High school by no means has been easy. It is not one of the worst times in my life, but I do not feel like it was my best either. At least that is what I used to think. 

I always wanted to grow up when I was younger. It seemed as though I always wanted to get to the next step. If that was wanting to go to middle school to becoming a teenager or going to high school or getting my permit then wanting my driver’s license then wanting to graduate and go to college. I never just embraced the moment I was in.

Now here I am staring at my graduation and growing up in the face, and I am terrified. I took for granted so many moments of being a kid and making mistakes, but I can’t go back. The sad thing is that you never know the importance of a moment until you are no longer in that moment. Just like Andy Bernard says, “I wish there was a way to know I was in the good ol’ days before you’ve actually left them.”

I’ll never get back the days I spent working instead of attending the football games. I’ll never get back the times I decided to be alone instead of spending the night with friends on the weekend. I’ll never get to walk down the halls of the school that I jokingly say I cannot wait to leave. I will never be able to sit in the media room joking with some of my favorite people. I will never get to do this again, and I am not ready to let all of that go. 

I wish I could just live it all over again, and what I would do to get all of that back. I want to go back to middle school and feel the things that I did in my 8th-grade year. I don’t want all of the pain, but I could feel so much. But it doesn’t even feel real. All of these years have passed by in a complete blur and it feels like I have just woken up from a fever dream, and none of this has happened. I blinked and I was here. 

I for sure never imagined my senior year is the way that this year happened. I did not expect that half of my senior class would not be in school and we would be wearing masks down the halls. I did not expect that senior events would be considered but not for sure or not being able to sit next to friends during lunch. I did not expect to have to consider if prom was going to happen, and fight for it or walk across the stage to graduate at all in these circumstances. It is not fair. But there is nothing I can do about it. I am grateful that I am even able to be here, but this is not how it is supposed to be. 

This was not supposed to be my senior year. My senior year was supposed to be my best year. I was supposed to feel like I was on top of the world. But here we are, and senior year has been good considering what we are going through. But, my senior year was not fun like it should’ve been, and I know everyone did what they could, but it just simply sucks. 

As I move onto the next chapter of my life I will always remember the special people that help me get to the point I am at. In a few months, I will be saying hello to my new home in Nacagodches at Stephen F. Austin State University to continue my education. I will be majoring in Psychology where I plan to get my Master’s degree. 

To Konnor: I have so much love for you. You have come into my life and changed it so much. You have been such a big part of high school, and such a big part of my life itself. You were there to eat lunch with me, hug me when I cried in the halls. You held my hand on my first day of school and guided me over all of these years. But, I held your hand as you graduated, and now you have to sit on the sidelines for this one. You have made me into a confident, outgoing, and braver person. 

To my momma: I will never be able to thank you enough. You aren’t just my mom, but you are also my best friend, a strong single parent, and my guide. You have shaped me into this strong, confident, and courageous person. I know because of you, I am able to face the world without fear of failing. I’ll miss being so close to you when I go, but we will still have dance parties in the living room, lunch dates, and binge-watching movies on the couch together. 

To Emily Conrad: You have been the one friend that has never left my side over the years. No matter how big the fight you stayed. While moving into our futures without each other by our sides, it will be so hard. I know you will do amazing things while you are at Tech. You have changed my life in so many ways. I will forever miss playing “See You Again” and singing it with you by my side. That has always been our song and I will never forget growing up with such an amazing friend like you to face the world with. Take on the world with your head high, and never let anyone take anything away from you. 

To my favorite teachers: Well there are very few of you. All I can say is thank you. Mr. Owens, especially thank you to you. You taught me and interested me in school in a completely different way than most teachers have ever been able to. I will forever miss your joke of the day and just how goofy you were. You honestly helped me become the student I am today, and for that, I thank you. Mrs. Ross, you are darling. You sparked a side in me to know how to stand up for my beliefs. Your sarcasm and wit made every day that I was with you. I always felt like I could go to you for anything and you made me love English even more. Mr. Coomes, you are such a sweet man. You made me believe my writing was good, and even though this year has felt short with you, you have already made such an impact on me. Your class has made me really appreciate reading books and writing. I also cannot say how much I love your bookshelf that is covered in books. But you made learning so much more than just the books. You made it fun and your memes of the day and intro songs as we walked into class always made my day. 

To my sweet frog girls and froyo job: I love you all, even the girls I never got along with so much. I spent more than half of my high school career working at this yogurt shop. I worked way too many hours and you all experienced it with me. From the many fights, breakdowns, laughs, and scary scenarios we all witnessed together, I would not change a thing. I for sure ate way too much yogurt and toppings along the way. I met some of my best friends here, I learned how to be outgoing, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. While this job was one of the worst times in my high school life, I had an amazing group of girls who encouraged me through tough times. This job was just a basic minimum wage job that turned me into a leader.

To my newspaper team: Guys, you all amaze me. My editors, you are going to be great next year. You are leaders, you have everything you need inside you to make this publication even better than I ever could. Advocate for the newspaper, have a voice, and never ever let someone silence you. Stand up for everything you believe in and never look back. My staffers, I apologize for my intensity. I know I am not the easiest person to handle, but you did it. I blame my passion for writing and trying to make things perfect for my constant nagging and texts about turning stories in. I had some of my best moments in this class with all of you. We would have random conversations that had us debating, laughing, and not wanting it to end. From “Vote James for President” to Julia’s crazy ideas, those were the best moments. I will forever be grateful to have had the opportunity to meet every single one of you and help you become the writers you are today. You all have made me a better writer, leader, and person. You all pushed my opinions, weird thoughts, and shaped me greatly. Thank you. 

To my Media Advisor: Mrs. Kidder, Momma Kidder, you overall have been one of the biggest life-changers in high school. You are such an amazing teacher, mentor, advisor, and communicator. I feel like  I could trust you with and go to you with anything in the world and you would be there for me. You are so funny, and I am so grateful to have had you for the last four years of high school. I know I will always have a special bond with you. You helped me realize SFA was the school for me, and you always made me feel so good about everything. 

To my senior class: While a lot of you may know me, some may not even know I exist, you all have finally made it, congratulations. We are the first class to complete a full school year during a pandemic, and we somehow did it. With all of the missed opportunities and crazy circumstances, we did it, friends. While I may not be close to many of you, most of you I have had conversations with or classes. I wish you the best of luck in this next chapter of your life. 

To myself: As you go out into this world, find yourself. Never let someone bring you down. Stand tall, and stay strong in your beliefs. Make mistakes and learn. Finally, learn to live your life, not ever for anyone but yourself. Choose yourself. 

I am always going to remember high school as I wish I could go back and do it all over again. We spend so much of our time trying to get out of it, and then when it is gone we realize that we will never get that back. If I had a time machine I would go back to the first day of high school in a heartbeat. I know I will miss it all so much, but we only get this once. 

My advice to you, don’t forget to live. Take a breath, and a step back, and live in the moment. Don’t take this time for granted. I know that these years seem to last forever, but they really don’t. You won’t realize how fast they go until they are all gone. Make mistakes, fall in love, live for yourself and no one else, and never ever forget to dance it out, especially that one last time. 

I will never be able to say enough. All I know is that… I was feeling epic. 

For one last time, 

your newspaper Editor-In-Chief, Isabella McAllister, goodbye, and thank you for everything. 

“I wish somebody would have told me babe

Some day, these will be the good old days

All the love you won’t forget

And all these reckless nights you won’t regret

Someday soon, your whole life’s gonna change

You’ll miss the magic of these good old days”

Good Old Days- Macklemore